You Are Beautiful

 It would be wrong if I say that I had a disturbed or a traumatic childhood. Just the opposite, I was brought up in a very loving and caring environment. But everyone has his or her own problems. Some people say that they were bullied when they were kids. Some people say that they were beaten by their parents. Thankfully, I faced nothing like that. But I faced very different problems. One of the major problems I faced was ‘Thinking in a Loop syndrome’ (TLS). In medical language, there is nothing like TLS exists. I created it – not the problem but the name.

Now, what is TLS? Let me give you an example. Suppose I lock you in a dark room with a pair of permanently attached earphones, with the most disturbing lyrics playing in it. How will you feel? Trapped right? That’s what TLS is.
When your thinking becomes like a tape recorder, and you start thinking self-destructive, pessimistic, and negative thoughts in a loop, it can be briefly termed as TLS.
My dear friends, when I was in school, I had this habit of getting lost in my thoughts. So whenever the teacher used to teach the class, after paying attention for a couple of minutes I generally tend to lose attention. Once it happened that my History teacher was giving a lecture on Nazis and Hitler. I was very attentive in the beginning. As the lecture proceeded, he was explaining about the brutality against Jews and that famous gas chamber incident. And there I was stuck and entered into my world. I was stuck in that gas chamber, but the lecture moved with its pace. Hitler was there in the room, he created beneath the ground, but I was still there in the gas chamber. Hitler committed suicide, but I was still in the gas chamber with those poor Jews who were about to die.
What I heard next was my amazing teacher asking me questions related to the chapter, which thankfully helped me coming out of the gas chamber, but unfortunately, I didn’t know the answer. The result – the whole class was laughing at me for my blank expressions. That is where my TLS appears.
I’m Dumb.
I’m stupid.
I’m worthless.
I’m going to flunk this year too.
Thankfully, I passed that year, but I was unable to find a permanent solution to my loop thinking or my TLS.
Now when you grow up and meet new people, the first thing you do is, you try to forge a new personality. And in the process of forging a new personality, you try to cover up your problems, your shortcomings, and your past mistakes. The process of forging a new personality is somewhat similar to painting an old house from outside, without repairing it from inside.
So I went to college, met new people, and my TLS disappeared for a while.
I started working in an organization. The first few months were good. But then my TLS entered again in my life.
I was reprimanded for making silly mistakes. I was scolded and again gave me a title for being so dumb. I was even scolded for among a group of people. I can’t blame anyone, it is a part of their job. But that gave me a reason to believe that I’m worthless, stupid, dumb, and not good enough to be the part of the corporate world.
I resigned and started working with my Dad in a little business of his hoses for tractors and cranes.
One day I was coming from a public bus from my office. I gave some money to the conductor of the bus for the ticket and ask for the change. He told me to wait. I waited for a while and asked again for the change.
And he kind of scolded me and told me to have some patience.
Though it’s hard to believe and you might also find it funny, but I couldn’t look into his eyes and I de-boarded the bus at the next station, without collecting my change.
I sat at the bus stop for a while and I don’t know what happened to me. For the first time in my life, I thought that I can’t spend my life like that. I can’t have an ever attached earphone stuck in my ears, which makes me believe that I’m dumb or stupid or worthless. I felt the utmost need to express myself. I feel like making myself as well as other people understand that I’m not that stupid.
If a turning point exists in someone’s life, that was mine.
I didn’t mean that I became a different man all over, but I’m happy in whatever I’m doing. I love expressing myself via writing or speaking. I have some amazing friends, who help me to come out of that shell.
But my friends, we need to believe ourselves. We need to love ourselves. We need to believe that we are perfect in our way. We need to believe that we are beautiful as we are. We need to understand the fact that we can’t love anyone else without loving ourselves first.
I would love to write more about this shift, but let’s keep it for some other day.
Till then, love yourself as much as you can… and some more.
Love, Laughter, and Peace
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A Letter to My Countrymen

 

Sisters and Brothers of India

Today, I’m writing this letter for each Indian to congratulate him or her for being born on this noble land where giants like Ashoka The Great, Swami Vivekananda, Shaheed Bhagat Singh, and Dr. Kalam walked. I want to congratulate you on being a part of the largest democracy present on Planet Earth, where people from different sects, castes, and religious believes live together. I Congratulate you for being born in the nation which always respects the freedom of others and has never tried to invade some other nation and overpower it, provided India itself was overpowered by different rulers and countries Starting from Alexander, Greeks, Turks, Moguls, Britishers and so on. Heartiest congratulations for being born in the nation whose History is so colorful and vibrant. Be Proud, My dear Countrymen!

Freedom – Whenever we think about this word, The black and white pictures of India’s Struggle against Britishers flashes in our mind. Various Freedom Fighters and their courage to make this nation free from the clutches of the British Raj. It was a struggle filled with Courage, Leadership, Confidence, and Unity in the nation. But if we think for a moment that even after almost 73 years of attaining freedom from The Britishers, can we say ourselves free? Are our Heart and Mind is still not Invaded? Are we not being controlled by something? My dear Brethren. We are being Controlled by Media channels and various social media websites. These two things are spreading in the blood of the nation slowly. Switch on any news channel and what you will see are probably Negativity and Pessimism. What you will see is various news of Rapes, Murders, Calamities, Poverty, cheap Politics, and Silly Gossips. What you will see is the stupid news of Film Star’s personal life. Ahh, it is like piercing a sharp sword in the heart of the nation. I’m saying this because What hides behind this stupid news is the achievements of our nation. Read this very carefully, My dear ones. I’m about to tell you what the news channels never show.

No news channel will show you that our nation stands proudly in the first position if we talk about Milk Production. No one will tell you that what are our achievements in Rocket Science and launching SLVs. We know that Sonam Kapoor got married to someone called Mr. Ahuja, but we don’t know that our nation is the second-largest producer of wheat and rice. Our Children know Honey Singh’s raps by heart but they don’t know that India is the nation who reached on Mars on its very first attempt. No channel will show you this news after a week after the achievements. They are busy glorifying our cricket team when they won a match and start cursing them when they lose one. Believe it or not, they love to play with your subconscious mind. They find happiness by burying the seed of negativity in your mind, which will probably one day, become saplings of frustration, anger, Negativity, and national disturbance. All riots and disturbances are the cruel results of the Indian Media.

Kalam* Sahib once said, “Youth is the biggest asset of the Nation – On the Earth, Under the Earth, and Above the Earth.” And that’s true. India is a young nation. The majority of its population is between the age of 15 and 35. We have the muscles of steel and heart of gold filled with indomitable energy. But, it breaks my heart whenever I see youngsters restricting their gift called life, by the filthy walls of various Social media platforms. If you look at this minutely, you will observe that today’s youth is busy balancing Two different lives – One, which is portrayed on the social media platforms; which is glamorous, colorful, Vibrant, Fancy but Artificial. And the Other is their real life, Which is Lonely, Restless, and extremely depressed. Believe it or not, we have created a barrier between our two different lives. We know how a Facebook friend doing in London, but we don’t see what is happening in our family. We know about the tweets of Bollywood celebrities, but we have no idea about where our nation is going. We celebrate Mother’s day on Facebook by posting our Mom’s picture, but we have no time to sit with her every day. We know the whole world, But we don’t know ourselves. 

Social media is weakening the Nation. It is diminishing its glory. It is like a poison that is getting dissolved in the Nation’s blood. Sacrifice is the solution, guys. It is a very high time to stop this nonsense and start building our real life. One facebook picture won’t make you a star, but your actions will. Investing time in self-development by reading good books, meeting Optimistic people, sitting in solitude, and having faith in the Almighty will make your real-life amazing. All of us know how much social media is killing our time. We know that how much it is disturbing our personal life. But it has become an addiction now. We are unable to control our fingers. We subconsciously tap that Facebook Icon on our smartphone. Think once again, Are we guys free? Do we guys call ourselves Independent, when we are controlled by this silly habit? If we want to see our nation developed, we have to make this sacrifice. We have to diverge our time as well as energies in thinking and working towards our personal, societal, and National goals. We have to work with Righteousness in our hearts. Because Kalam* sahib said:-

“When There is Righteousness in The heart,

There is Beauty in Character.

When there is Beauty in the heart,

There is Harmony in the Family.

When there is harmony in The Family,

There is Order in The Nation.

When there is an order in the Nation,

There is Peace in the World.”

So my dear ones, everything begins with righteousness in the heart. G.D.P, PCI., Balance of trade, and all those statistical figures are secondary in developing a nation. Righteousness in your heart and actions are primary. And I’m not saying that social media is bad. It is beautiful and has the power to bring a revolution in the nation. But we don’t know how to tap its power. We are busy abusing it instead of using it. So let’s restrict our time which we spend on social media and start working on our real goals. Let’s make our Life as well as the life of our countrymen beautiful. Let’s sacrifice our today so that the next generation can see a happy, Glorious, and Developed India. Amen!

Love, Laughter, and Peace

Himanshu R Nagpal

*Dr. A.P.J. Abdul Kalam

The Room on The Roof

 While reading this book called “the room on the roof” by Mr. Ruskin Bond, which was gifted by my father back in 2010 when I turned 17, I went through the Dark Caves of memory which got lit up when I entered into it. I also had a room on the roof, just like Mr. Bond had. But My room will never be that famous, but the time I spent there was just so special. The room was just so tiny that only a table and a chair could be placed into it, but it was indeed special for me because it was the room which I had always called “mine”.

My room was on the leftmost corner on our not so big roof. It used to be a storeroom when I was a kid. we used to keep our electricity generator in that room as the power cuts were just so frequent in Delhi that time, especially in the summers to add the cherry on the cake. That tiny room was the one I was most afraid of because of the lizards roaming inside it. I remember that I used to tell innumerable haunted tales to my friends about that room. One of them was about a friendly ghost who lives there and never disturbs us, but he never let anyone enter in that tiny room.

I cleaned my desk only for the picture 

When I was an adolescent, my parents thought that I need some separate space to study and without wasting any time, in the summer of 2008, my Dad called some laborers and plastered the ground after leveling it. We painted the walls off white and placed my age-old study table and a chair. We called an electrician and got connections of a fan and two lights. And “My Room” was ready. I still remember the fragrance of paint and thinner when I first time entered that room. It was bliss.

I won’t disappoint my friends who still think that the room was haunted, as a real ghost started residing in it. And I was a bit friendly too.

My Room, not like most of the rooms, was lowly leveled. One had to come down via two little steps to enter my room. I generally used to skip those stairs and used to jump directly into the room. I also got hurt once or twice, but still, I never used those stairs. The switch for the light was on the right-hand side of the door at the entry of the room. I never sat straight on the chair, like any other fellow. I used to keep my legs on the table, mostly crisscrossed, and used to keep books on my lap, bending the chair a bit backward. That was the most comfortable posture for me to read and write.

I miss those days…

My room was never tidy. the desk was always filled with books, Notepads, Stationery material, and an un-assembled yellow table lamp. My Brother’s Guitar was always placed on the back-side of the door, which he used to play almost every day.

The room was undoubtedly small, but there was a kind of energy which I always felt in that room. That little room has the tendency to take me to some other place. My imagination used to run wild sitting on that chair. I had read innumerable books in that room, I had studied for my examinations and have written hell lot of things in that little room. I even wrote my first story in an old notebook, which a dear friend of mine typed for me. I took a print-out of that story, xeroxed it, and distributed it among my friends. They loved it and encouraged me to write more.

I had experienced countless rains from that little room. I generally used to open the door wide whenever it used to rain. The freshness I felt, watching the dark clouds pouring heavily can’t really be described in words. I used to enjoy thoroughly, sitting on the chair, reading a good book, and in between gazing the wide sky from the corner of my eyes. I felt so lively sitting in that little room. I never felt lonely there. That was the room where I had my un-interrupted solitude. There is a big difference between Solitude and loneliness. The Former you Seek, The latter haunts you. The former means you are having fun in your own company and the latter one means you are not comfortable with your own companionship.

But one day, We sold our house.

I didn’t felt emotional even once while packing my material. I packed my clothes, my books, and all the other important stuff. My Dad called a guy to buy my age-old study table and he gave him 800 bucks for that. He came back a few hours later and took that table away. For the very first time, I felt an indescribable pain. The room, “My Room” was looking abandoned. I went inside that room and pulled out posters I had pasted on the walls. I couldn’t stand there anymore because I was feeling just so emotional. I just came back and had a last glance at that vacant room. My heart was heavy, my eyes were blurred. I felt that the room was saying that it will never forget the mutual bonding we shared. The uncountable rains we experienced together. The songs I used to sing in that room, it remembers them all. I felt that it’s saying that “My room” will always be mine and won’t be able to allow anyone to sit in that room except me.

I didn’t say goodbye to any of my neighbors. I just sat in my car and drove away. And trust me, I never miss my old house. In this world, everything is just so darn transitory and home is never made with bricks and mud, its made with love and bonding shared between members of a family. But I still miss that little room on the roof, which I always called mine

A few days back, while passing through my old colony, I saw that my old house was completely shattered and a new building stood there. It was hard to recognize that it used to be the house where I spent more than 22 years. While coming back, I smiled when I thought that “My Room” committed what it said. It completely lost its physicality but never let anyone enter it.

Though it doesn’t exist anywhere physically, it is there in my heart till my last breath. How ironic it is, I mean, where I used to reside some years back, now it resides in my heart, forever.

HRN

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Let the Planet Heal

I grew up in a little house in Delhi and I have a lot of memories still fresh in my mind. Good days and bad days, both are core ingredients of beautiful memories. My life passed through both. People generally say that don’t think about the past or future. But I don’t agree much with this statement. For me, Future breeds all that little imagination, I have and past always plays as a solid base for the little stories I tell people. And present? It’s actually a story I’ll be telling people after some years. For me, everything is a story. You, me, everyone and everything is a story.

In this article, I’m going to share a little story from a page from my past, which has turned yellow.

I was a kid when someone gifted us a little lord Ganpati’s idol made with clay. My Dad decided to hang that little Idol above our room’s gate. The Logic behind that was, Lord Ganesha (Ganpati) got a boon from his father, Lord Shiva that it is mandatory to offer prayers to Lord Ganesha first before praying to any other deity. He is also prayed before commencing any task.  So, whenever we enter our home, we used to look at that little idol before entering our house before entering inside. We also feel protected from the negative and evil energies. That was a strong belief in our whole family.

One fine Sunday morning, I came out of my room and I listened to some chirps of birds from somewhere. After a couple of hours, I came to know that some little sparrows had made a nest behind Lord Ganpati’s idol.

I was happy that I got new friends. I used to watch the Mumma sparrow feeding her younger ones almost every day. She used to fly somewhere every day and brought food for her children and feed them lovingly. I was just awed while watching their everyday actions. I saw the little ones growing up. I saw them learning how to fly from their mother. Unfortunately, one of them entered our home and died while exploring a running fan.

A few days later, they left the warm protection of Lord Ganesha’s back and went to explore the world.

They never came back.

After a year or two, the sparrows were hard to see anywhere around. Reason? I really don’t know. I explained to myself that they had become one of those angels whom we call Extinct Species in our daily language, Ummm like Dodo birds.

Why some species become extinct? The major reason behind this is human greed and negligence. Or we can say that we humans have developed an ego, which is bigger than any other emotion.

At that age, I satisfied myself with the self-explanation that those species feel unsafe between us so they choose to live peacefully in heaven.

People talk about love, compassion, affection, peace, and whatnot. What they don’t talk about is one of those crucial things which should come before all those things. And that is safety.

How many times have you seen stray dogs afraid of you? How many times you have seen squirrels running away from you? You think that that’s their nature. But my friend, this is untrue. They also demand your love, your attention, your affection. But before that, they want to feel safe in your company. They have this constant impression in their minds that humans are cruel and their company is unsafe and no less than a brutal injury or maybe death.

And my friend, this is the failure of Humans as a species, as a being.

Now my dear readers and friends, to heal the planet, we must not consider monetary or financial success as actual success. Yes, they are important, but to heal the planet, the first and the primary step must be providing safety to other beings around us. Whenever you lift a dog or a cat in your arms, you should see safety in their eyes. That, my friend, is a true virtue of success as a human being. This is how we can help to heal the planet.

I’m writing this because I saw a few little sparrows on the wire beside my home. Though we humans failed to provide them safety, in our absence they undoubtedly felt safe.

Covid-19 and lockdown have some amazing benefits also.

Love, Laughter, and Peace

Himanshu R Nagpal

Picture credits - http://www.cartoonaday.com/

Kaala Bandar – Myths, Facts and an interesting case of Mass Hysteria

It was the month of August in the year of 2001. I was in Third standard and the only problem I was having while growing up is over imagination. I can’t forget that day till the last breath of my life. I was playing with my friends down the street and what I saw next was extremely strange. A lady came out of her house. I can see the panic on her face. She was carrying a large bowl filled with turmeric and henna diluted in water. Very calmly she was soaking her hands in the bowl and leaving a couple of imprints of her palm on both the sides of the main gate of her house. A lot of ladies saw this and asked her what in the world was she trying to do. She replied after collecting her words –

“Arrey! Haven’t you heard? Kaala Bandar is roaming in the Rohini area only. And he can’t enter anyone’s house or roof if he sees these kinds of imprints.”

That evening I saw dozens of houses in my neighborhood with those yellow imprints near their entrance.

My Father’s friend arrived from Patna that night. He had dinner with us, but I don’t remember uttering a single word that night. That was the beginning of the terror. That night, I believe was the first night I didn’t sleep even for a minute. Even the noise of the wind that night used to make me jump out of bed. I was afraid beyond acceptance. I was imagining a strange man, covered with black hair, walking on the roof of my home.

Every morning before going to school, I used to go through the newspaper only to read the updates regarding the case of Kaala Bandar. I used to read all the statements the victims were giving with the sketches the artist used to make as per the victims’ statements. And then each day, I saw each day the news regarding Kaala Bandar shifting places from first to the last page, and then graciously making an exit from the newspapers.

Human Psychology is kind of funny. There are certain incidents that you don’t discuss on an everyday basis, but they have a permanent space in your psyche. And that incident, for me, is still alive in my psyche like an unsolved mystery.

A couple of years back, towns near Delhi were alarmed with the mysterious cases of some invisible man cutting ponytails of ladies mysteriously. The year was 2017 and what was good about that case was, news about Kaala Bandar started appearing again on the news channels after so many years.

There, they clearly mentioned that cases like Kaala Bandar, Some mysterious women asking for Onion and bread with the intention of killing you or an invisible man cutting ponytails of ladies are nothing but the cases which can be characterized under the head of Mass Hysteria.

Mass Hysteria is a condition where a large number of people can be characterized by their level of excitement or anxiety, triggered by similar sources, which is generally irrational or based upon fictitious theory. They generally start sharing common irrational beliefs about something or someone.

It is hard to comment upon the reason behind all this. Provided, I was never a psychology student, but what I understand behind all this is that we humans like the thrill, adventure, and attention in our simple day to day life. For this reason, we start supporting, appreciating, and spreading rumors, without rectifying the core source of the news.

Our nation is suffering from this habit of spreading rumors for so long now. I have no hesitation in saying this that the mainstream media of our nation comes first when we talk about spreading rumors. Many people I meet on a daily basis, I notice that their thought process is very well shaped by the news channels they watch every evening.

Coming back to the mass hysteria, if I may take the liberty to share another incident related to this, I would like to share this.

 I was in a fourth or fifth standard and there was news all around that a girl from another section had lost her gold bracelet. I really don’t know why the hell she was wearing so valuable in school and how her parents allowed her to wear that. Teachers were searching all around when this boy appeared from my class and gave them a clue that he saw something shiny near the girl’s washroom. The teachers took that guy with them and everyone started looking again with all new energy.

Suddenly, our Principal came from her office when she heard about that havoc all around. She took that boy with his arm and asked him at the top of her voice.

“Where did you see that bracelet?”

He quickly accepted that he was lying.

Peace

HRN

 

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Are you a People Pleaser?

Let me confess, a lot of people I see around are people pleasers. They do things that are liked by others instead of themselves. But If I write about them, this little article will only increase hatred around me. So I think I should write about my journey in this post instead of pointing towards someone to change someone. With all the little experience I have, I believe that it is easy as well as wise to change our own attitude instead of roaming around to change other’s attitudes.

When I was in school, I had a habit of cooking up stories that used to interest others and they started believing that I’m one of them. I used to talk about cricket because all the cricketers I had in my class were popular among girls and always used to be a hot topic in our class. And it was undoubtedly a sense of achievement for me to be the part of that group.

I used to share funny incidences, which were a product of my imagination, to entertain others so that they consider me a part of their group. I was happy being one of those cool guys, but trust me, that happiness was transitory. The more I was progressing in those activities, the more I was losing my own identity. Today, If I look back, I don’t recognize that guy at all. He was just wasting his time and energy in pleasing those people who started believing in a fake identity that was far away from my true self.

The question arises here is, why the hell I was forging a fake identity? The only answer I found after spending countless nights of solitude is, I was seeking acceptance from people around me. I’m not saying that I had a traumatic or hard childhood, but I was seeking love and acceptance from people around me. It’s hard to find the answer that why I was so busy in seeking acceptance at that age. I’m still seeking its answer.

But what is the problem of being a people pleaser?

If I may answer this by bifurcating the impact of being a people pleaser in the short term and long term, I can simply say this.

In the short term, being a people pleaser will help you in gaining promotions, give you a sense of accomplishment and confidence beyond a limit.

In the long term, It will give you pain, depression, and hatred towards yourself.

And that’s what exactly happened to me. After spending many years forging a fictitious identity, I was trapped inside my mind, trying to differentiate between what’s real and what’s a product of my imagination. And on the journey of finding your talents, your passions, yourself, it gives you a very hard time.

Also, on a very practical note, no one will finance the clothes, the accessories which you use to please people around you. It will only disturb your psyche and will give you a hard time in finding your true self.

I would like to write more about it, but for now-

I arrest my case here :-)

Love, Laughter, and Peace

Himanshu R Nagpal

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