I have no issue in accepting that I was an extremely talkative kid. I used to gel up with everyone around me so easily. I had a lot of topics to talk about and I never heard the term boredom in the first ten years of my presence on this planet. As I grew up, my group started becoming shorter. I only had a handful of friends when I was in college.
And after that, I was on my own - sharing all the grief, all the love with myself alone.
It's not like I was starving for a company or someone to roam around on regular basis. I was somehow happy being with myself.
When people grow up and start exploring society on their own, I have seen People becoming anti-religious or anti-corruption. But I became anti-bullshit. I couldn't take with people trying to condition my mind or putting negative (or positive) things in my mind. I wanted to (and still want to) see the world to gain first-hand experiences.
But when you are alone, a lot of emotions creates turmoil inside you. You have an urge to share your thoughts with someone to feel a bit lighter. And it's a good thing to share what's troubling you. But we humans have a secret chip imbibed inside us, which always expects something in return for every ear or every favour.
And I was done with all the exchange of advice.
I have no problem in accepting that I went into this phase of extreme anger and sadness for a couple of months. I had a major problem in finding words in explaining what was running in my mind. I had this urge to share my thoughts and my confessions about the things which I shouldn't have been done. But I had nothing to give in return for that. And I had this constant terror in my mind that people will judge me.
So when someone gave me a freebie on the new year and no points for guessing, it was a beautiful, hardbound journal.
In my initial days of writing a journal, I had no clue that what should I write about. Just like a secondary school student, I used to begin with 'Dear Diary'. And I couldn't complete a page in a single sitting in the first few months. I still had that lump in my throat of expressing myself but I couldn't. It became a daily duty for me to write it. I religiously did my duty but I couldn't avail any help from that.
One day, out of nowhere, I got this idea of leaving all the formats, all the decorum aside and start writing what was troubling me.
It was 1.30 AM when I switched on my reading lamp and wrote this sentence in my journal:-
Whatever I write here no one will be ever going to read it.
Trust me, I felt immense freedom as I wrote that sentence. All that fear of being judged went away. I started writing about a childhood incident that had an impact on me. I started writing about the dreams which used to trouble me more often. I started writing about my desires, my goals and whatnot. I wrote more than eight pages in that single sitting. When I switched off my reading lamp, it felt like I'm coming out of some therapist's office. I felt a lot lighter and much happier. I slept like a baby that night.
And from then, it became a ritual. I carry my journal with me anywhere it is humanly possible to take it with me. And I always take out some time from my schedule to pen down my thoughts almost every day.
My family and I noticed many changes in me. I'm getting that glow back on my face which I had as an adolescent. I gel up with people and discuss things that are common between us. Of course, I'm still a proud Anti Bullshit guy, but I have become more liberal. I have acquired the subtle art of hearing without listening.
And above that all, I learned a lot about myself. By writing in my journal, I took out time in understanding my reactions to various triggers. I discovered that there is a lot of knowledge that resides inside yourself, which is needed to be tapped. And you can tap it when you slow down and invest some time in being with yourself. It's sheer magic.
There are innumerable benefits of writing a journal, some of them are listed down below
1) It makes you feel emotionally lighter.
2) It makes you acquire self-knowledge
3) It helps you in developing a tangible thought process
4) It helps you in building and maintaining a good relationship with the people around you.
There are many more benefits of writing your experiences and thoughts in a journal.
Before ending this article, I want to convey a message to all my dear readers. If you ever feel that you are unable to deal with the situations by yourself, you should talk about that with your family or friends. And if needed, do visit a therapist or a psychiatrist. It is darn necessary to take care of one's mental health. And there is no issue in seeing a doctor. Trust me it helps.
All The Best with your journal writing journey. Do share your experiences of writing a journal with me on hrntales@gmail.com.
See you again
Love, Laughter, and Peace
HRN
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